Every gap in communication is filled with imagination.  ~Unknown

There are many reasons for gaps in communication.  One reason is simply due to how our brains are wired.  We can think faster than someone else can speak.  Most of us speak at the rate of about 125 words per minute.  However, we have the mental capacity to understand someone speaking at 400 words per minute.  The difference between speaking speed and thought speed means that when we listen to the average speaker, we’re using only 25 percent of our mental capacity.  We still have 75 percent to do something else with, so our minds will wander (Dick Less and Delmar Hatesohl, University of Missouri Extension).

That’s a big gap—75 percent—that can be filled with our imaginations, and our imaginations can be, well, imaginative!

Our minds make assumptions about what someone said, or we infer their intent by imagining why they said what they did.  This happens so naturally that many times (I might even say most of the time) we unconsciously let our imaginations take control of our “understanding.”  Hence, the result: misunderstandings.

So what can we do about it?  Here are four ways that leaders can begin to avoid those all too frequent misunderstandings.

Be fully present!  Shift that percentage from 25 percent listening to a higher number.  It is possible to teach or train your mind to wander less frequently.  That’s the basis of mindfulness.  Pocket Mindfulness suggests six exercises you can try today to become more mindful, i.e., fully present.

Ask yourself if you’re drawing conclusions only from actual statements or are your conclusions based on inferences, assumptions, or outright imagination.   We all have the tendency to read between the lines while someone is speaking.  After all, if we listen with only 25 percent of our capacity then we’ve got lots of time to fill.  When you come to a mental conclusion, stop, ask yourself if the other person really stated that or did they state something not quite as embellished?

Ask clarifying questions.  You realize that there are some gaps that you have taken the liberty to fill with your own imagination.  Great!  Start asking clarifying questions like: What does that mean?  Can you be more specific?  Why do you think that?  How did you reach that conclusion?  Can you share some examples?  So you’re saying…?  Are you saying that…?  What would that look like?

Keep asking questions until you come to a shared understanding.  This is how you’ll know you’ve asked enough clarifying questions.  You’ll have a shared understanding with the other person as to what they said, meant, inferred, implied, and probably felt.  That doesn’t mean you’ve come to an agreement.  But it does mean you understand each other’s viewpoint and that’s the beginning of communication without imagination.