Leaders: The struggle to feel valued is one of the most insidious and least acknowledged issues in organizations. ~Tony Schwartz
The struggle to feel valued…that’s right leaders, it’s a struggle! One of my favorite authors (yes, I admit, I have many) Edgar Schein said, “We value task accomplishment over relationship building and either are not aware of this cultural bias, or worse, don’t care and don’t want to be bothered with it.” Hang with me and I’ll explain why I think that is contributing to the struggle to feel valued.
Tony Schwartz said, “The struggle to feel valued is one of the most insidious and least acknowledged issues in organizations. Most employees are expected to check their feelings at the door when they get to work. But try as we might, we can’t. Our core emotional need is to feel valued. Without a stable sense of value, we don’t know who we are and we don’t feel safe in the world.”
Schwartz continues his description: “the experience of feeling valued — meaning accepted and appreciated, recognized and respected.” Here’s my connection back to Schein. Those words— accepted, appreciated, recognized and respected—I believe are only possible in “relationship building.”
All of leadership begins (and maybe ends) with relating to others in a way that helps them feel valued. It is THE ONE THING because if leaders can’t get that right, not much else is going to fall into place. Here are only three (there are many) ways that leaders can help others feel valued.
Leaders who genuinely care.
“Genuinely care more for the person than what the person can offer you and/or your organization. Value is communicated when you genuinely care for people as human beings and not human ‘doings’ (and what they can do for you to help you build your kingdom).” Those are some strong words from Doug Fields.
I do a quick exercise with teams so they can begin to see their teammates as people and not roles. It never ceases to amaze me how little even highly interdependent teams actually know about one another. If you don’t know anything about others, that makes genuinely caring about them next to impossible.
Leaders who give feedback well.
Feedback delivered well is an incredible gift. Feedback delivered well allows someone to feel accepted, appreciated, recognized, and respected. It’s feedback in the moment. It’s feedback delivered from a caring and growth mindset, not from a punitive or punishing mindset. It’s feedback that’s delivered clearly and allows the receiver to fully understand how something should look in the future if they were to accept the feedback.
Leaders who practice dialogue.
Not every conversation should be a dialogue. But without any dialogue, people aren’t going to feel valued. David G. Benner tells us that “Dialogue strives for the engagement of two or more persons in ways that honors both their separateness and their connectedness. Meeting someone in dialogue always involves at least a temporary suspension of our presuppositions about ourselves and the world. This means it always involves a degree of vulnerability to truth.” Or from a less philosophical perspective, Stephen R. Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Dialogue requires listening to understand.
THE ONE THING: Do your employees feel valued?