The more decisions we’re asked to make, the less cognitive capacity we have available to assess the alternatives and make good, nuanced choices. ~Caroline Webb

We’re now knee-deep into the holiday season. But like a portion of the population, I’m still focused on the illusive time of year known as “open enrollment.” I’m part of the population who does not benefit from a group health insurance plan. I’m also at a point that I knew I would face sooner rather than later. I have a grandfathered health insurance plan, which means I have had most of the benefits similar to a group plan. However, the premiums have increased dramatically, to say the least.

I have felt as if I’ve been riding a freight train headed for the edge of a cliff and I’m trying to calculate the very last moment that I can jump off the train before it catapults off the edge of a mountain. The signal, at least for me, is that in the coming year I would be paying more for my health insurance than my housing expenses, if I choose to keep my current plan and hang on to that freight train for one more year. Or, do I make the decision to jump off, and what are my options?

I’m turning to the wisdom of Caroline Webb to help me make that decision. What she suggests in her book How to Have a Good Day is practical advice that leaders could use to make a multitude of decisions. Here are three points that I think are especially helpful.

• Notice when your automatic system is talking. If you’re saying to yourself something like, “It’s obviously…” “Everyone agrees.” “There’s only one real option.” then your automatic system may be making the decision as opposed to thoughtful consideration.
• Adopt a cross-check routine. Any one of these questions could become your cross-check. “What would be another way of seeing this?” “If you had to raise a concern, what would you say?” “What would be another option, and what do its advantages tell me?” “If this goes horribly wrong, what will have caused that?”
• Resolve dilemmas with great ease. Ask “What could I do?” rather than “What should I do?”

Putting into practice the tools of strategic planning – post-it notes – I’ll answer these questions with as many options that come to mind and post them up on the wall. Then I’ll cluster common themes, step back, and see what feels like the best option.

Then I’ll heed Webb’s fourth suggestion.

• Watch out for system fatigue. If you feel impatient, distracted, or clumsy, take a mindful pause.

After sleeping on it, talking with a number of friends who are in a similar situation, and revisiting the options with a clear head, then I’ll make a decision.

Health insurance is my current dilemma, as a leader, you may have your own dilemma or list of decisions as you close out 2017 and look to 2018. Maybe Webb’s insights can help you, as well, make some wise decisions that are good, nuanced choices.

Spiritual attentiveness is less a matter of concentration than contemplation. It is releasing distractions, preoccupations, and prejudgments and being available for absorption. ~David G. Benner

Thanksgiving—a day that we might look forward to, or not. I once heard that Thanksgiving eve is one of the most popular nights for people to seek out a local bar. The reason it’s so popular, to take the edge off before facing family members they may see only once a year.

Quoting an article in U.S. News, “The reality of Thanksgiving for some Americans is rife with family tension, arguments, sorrow and loss. Others face the stress of hosting, or the dread of being asked questions about their lives that they are not ready to answer.”

The point I want to make here is not to get everyone depressed before the Thanksgiving holiday. Instead, I want to encourage leaders to take a few moments to pause and consider David Benner’s quote to “release distractions, preoccupations, and prejudgments and be available for absorption.”

I recently used a TED Talk, 10 Rules to Have a Great Conversation, by NPR host Celeste Headlee when teaching about effective communication. Three of the rules I think will be especially relevant as we all gather on Thanksgiving.

• Don’t pontificate – assume you have something learn.
• Don’t equate your experience with theirs. Maybe it’s been a tough year, or a great year. Either way, let them have their experience.
• LISTEN. Celeste says this is the most important of all 10 rules, and the most difficult.

Celeste closes out her brief talk on how to have a great conversation by repeating the statement, “be prepared to be amazed.”

If we can release distractions and prejudgments and make ourselves available for absorption, then we’re much more likely to be amazed. A leader’s Thanksgiving can be one of encouragement, of hopefulness, of being available for absorption.

One final quote about listening that really caught my attention. Alan Alda said, “Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” Wow, that’s really listening and being available.

Leaders, this week let’s be thankful, let’s be attentive to others, let’s listen, and let’s be prepared to be amazed as we gather together.

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. ~John F. Kennedy      Change is the end result of all true learning. ~Leo Buscaglia

Every now and then I feel the need to get on my soapbox, and this is one of those times. Several years ago I was engaged by a client to do a series of leadership development trainings. When I came to do the final training, I did a quick “pop quiz” on the first training which was several months prior. What did I learn? That they hadn’t learned (i.e., retained) much of anything!

When I did the first training I was told that it was the highest rated (satisfaction scores) training they had offered. So we all patted ourselves on the back and probably shared numerous high-fives. But did it stick, not really. So the investment quickly became just another expense.

But there is a better way!

I’ve often believed that one-shot training workshops provide short-term inspiration, but not a great deal of long-term improvement (i.e., change). DDI (Development Dimensions International) together with HR.com and the Institute for Human Resources conducted a study of 300 HR managers. DDI’s Richard Wellins, Ph.D, said “The study points out the best training incorporates learning journeys of multiple events that tie together over time.”

If you need more proof, Dartmouth’s Sean H. K. Kang reported in his extensive research on learning: “Evidence indicates that spacing can enhance meaningful learning that generalizes to new situations.” In other words, learning that is strategically spaced out over time enhances our ability to actually apply the content to problem solving and new contexts. Isn’t that the ultimate outcome of learning, to be able to apply it in real situations?

Unfortunately, the default for training and learning in organizations has become more about checking something off a to-do list so we can say that training was offered. And less about investing in real learning.

Now, fast-forward a few years. I’m in the midst of an opportunity to make a difference. I’m facilitating training, spaced out over time, and I’m repeating a common theme/thread throughout the entire year process. I’m already seeing more meaningful learning.

With many things today, we can have instant gratification. We can text a friend and get an instant reply, we can order something and have it delivered within hours or even minutes, the answer to nearly any question is at our fingertips if we have an Internet connection. However, this same expectation of instant gratification is unrealistic for real learning. Learning takes time, repetition, and practice.

Even if you don’t manage a training budget but want to enhance your own abilities; invest in learning. Find an opportunity that will take you on a learning journey of repetition and practice over time.

Some men fish all their lives without knowing it is not really the fish they are after.  ~Henry David Thoreau

I first published this post in 2012 and I’ve been thinking about this idea lately. How leaders can become so obsessed with achievement that they might actually be causing harm rather than doing something good. Two speakers, back in 2012, influenced my thinking.

One speaker (Peter Rollins) focused on what’s referred to in psychoanalysis as our “death drive.” My own paraphrase of this concept goes something like this. We become fixated on something (many times our personal visualization of success). But there’s a glass wall between us and what we see as success. We are so fixated that we keep banging ourselves against that glass wall trying to reach “success” even to the extent that we inflict harm on ourselves.

The other speaker (Shawn Achor) approached the same concept from the perspective of positive psychology and our desire for happiness. The basic premise is this. If I work harder, I’ll be more successful, and if I’m more successful, then I’ll be happier. However, every time we have a success we move the goalpost as to what success looks like a little farther down the field. So, you got good grades, now you have to get better grades. You got a good job, now you have to get a better job. But, if happiness is on the opposite side of success, we never get there. As a society, we’ve pushed happiness over the cognitive horizon. We think we have to be successful, then we’ll be happier, but our brains work in the opposite order.

If we can learn to become positive in the present, then our brains actually work more successfully. Research supports this idea. It’s been proven that if we can get the order right and become positive in the present and stop banging ourselves against that glass wall, we will experience significantly better productivity, creativity, and energy. In fact, they’ve measured it. We could be 31% more productive and 37% better at sales. Doctors who’ve learned to become positive in the present are 19% faster and more accurate in determining a diagnosis.

Shawn Achor states, “It’s not reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes reality. Ninety percent (90%!) of long-term happiness is predicated by how your brain processes the world.”

Eugene Peterson says that the book of Philippians is Apostle Paul’s “happiest letter.” He also says that Paul doesn’t tell us how to be happy. He simply and unmistakably is happy. None of his circumstances contribute to his joy. It’s the lens through which Paul views the world that has shaped his reality.  Paul says, “I’ve learned to be content in whatever situation I’m in. I know how to live in poverty or prosperity. No matter what the situation, I’ve learned the secret of how to live when I’m full or when I’m hungry, when I have too much or when I have too little.”

As leaders, let’s not spend all our lives fishing without knowing it’s not really fish we’re after. If we let go of our “death drive” and become positive in the present we could transform our organizations into something far beyond what we could even imagine.