Are you seduced by blame?

Leadership

When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ~Dr. Robert Anthony
This week I had several instances where the contrast of blame vs. responsibility was brought to my attention.  I was especially intrigued by the idea that blame can be seductive, even extremely seductive.  Some of the synonyms for seduce paint a vivid picture of what this seduction might look like: bait, beguile, betray, bewitch, bribe (and that’s only through the b’s!).  Not exactly a positive image.
Like many things that aren’t good for us, blame can become addictive.  If we persevere in making the case that someone (or something) is to blame for our problems, this perception can dramatically twist and blur our view of reality.    
I recall an instance when this concept became very clear to me.  A number of years ago I was considering becoming business partners with someone who owned a consulting firm.  During my due diligence process I discovered a number of serious financial management concerns.  When I asked the current owner about some of these challenges he blamed someone or something (like the economy) for each and every one of them.  Then, without really thinking, I asked, “so, what are you actually responsible for?”  Silence. 
With that vivid example in mind, I began to quickly review my own actions, responses, etc. for a lack of responsibility that was substituted with a knee-jerk reaction to pass the blame.  How often had I slipped into the very same pattern of pointing my finger toward someone else?  I also realized that Dr. Robert Anthony is right.  When you blame others, you give up the power to change.  And I’d add to that, you give up the power to change both yourself and the situation.  So, it’s a lose/lose scenario.
The International Coach Academy says, “People who play the blame game may then unknowingly mentor others in the blame game.  Families, workplaces and even whole societies can become infected and then trapped in a culture of blame.”
Hubert Humphrey said, “We believe that to err is human.  To blame it on someone else is politics.”  I’m not intending to make a political statement or take any kind of political position, but it does feel like our governmental officials have become trapped in a culture of blame.  Could this be part of the reason we seem to be stuck in a lose/lose scenario; because we’ve given up the power to change?
I’m currently reading a book entitled The Happiness Project.  The author engaged in an exhaustive study of happiness and then spent a full year testing many of the various theories.  I find it quite interesting that nearly every “practice” she undertakes to achieve greater happiness involves increasing her “responsibility.”
While blame is both seductive and addictive, I’m struggling to find a positive outcome.  Like many things that are seductive and addictive there is a very short-term “high” followed by continuous disappointment and frustration.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, wise man that he is, said that “Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”  
Leaders who are ready for responsibility have the power to change, both themselves and the situation.

Are you a scared leader?

Leadership

To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance.  ~Matthew 25:29a (NLT)

“It is not possible to commit to everything.  We must make choices.  Trying to commit to everything is a form of gluttony, being unable to say no, not wanting to let others down, scared that saying no may make you lose the one opportunity you might get.  These feelings are all about a mentality of scarcity.  Scarcity is where you think this will never come along again so you have to grab it.  Scarcity is built around a concept of being scared.” (International Coach Academy, 2012)

Sound familiar?  We’ve probably all been there.  We like to label it as being opportunistic, but is it really a form of gluttony, being unable to say no?  If we’re leading from a mindset of grabbing every opportunity, is that really another way of saying we’re running scared?

This perspective on scarcity (a form of gluttony) was new to me and hit me pretty much right between the eyes.  Grabbing every opportunity, isn’t that just good business?  Isn’t that what entrepreneurs do? 

Seth Godin, known as America’s greatest marketer, has a different perspective.  Seth says…

In a society where value is created by the manufacture of goods or the allocation of limited resources, it’s not a surprise that organizations seek scarcity.  We hesitate to share, because if I give you this, then I don’t have it any more.  We erect barriers and create rules to make it difficult for some people to have access to these limited resources.   

Our new economy, though, is based on abundance, the abundance that comes from ideas and access.  If I benefit when everyone knows my idea, then the more people I give the idea to, the better we all do.  If I benefit when I earn a reputation leading, connecting and creating positive change, then I’ll benefit if I can offer these insights to anyone who can benefit from them.  With an abundance mindset we create ideas and services that do better when people share.

Over the past several months I’ve tried to take on the mindset of focusing on what I can give away.  Not materially, but through my consulting and coaching business.   What ideas can I freely share with whoever is interested?  What services can I provide that really don’t need to have an invoice attached?  Who can I help get more clients?  What can I share?  That’s not the mindset of someone who grew up in the industrial age with parents who were depression babies.  For me, it’s been a shift and a welcome change.

If a mindset of scarcity means you’re running scared, then maybe a mindset of abundance means you’re joyfully and freely sharing your wealth.

Seth calls this an “unconditional gift, one given with nothing expected in return.  It creates conversations and spreads ideas.  It opens doors and creates forward motion.  What happens to the math if when I give you something, I don’t lose anything.  Or even better, what if the act of giving something away actually gives me more?”

Let’s stop being scared leaders, we don’t need to commit to and grab everything and become gluttonous.  We need to use well what we have been given and share our abundance.  Let’s be abundant leaders!

Are you a noble soul?

Leadership

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.  ~John Milton

Gratitude is the last of the three qualities of a positive climate – compassion, forgiveness and gratitude – highlighted in Kim Cameron‘s research that I’ve focused on the past few weeks.

It’s surprising to me how much research has been done on gratitude with very similar findings and conclusions, yet we don’t strive vigorously to integrate gratitude practices into our daily lives or our organizations.  Gratitude is relatively easy to implement and the effects are both powerful and significant.

Maybe it’s because we’ve been taught, encouraged and even programmed to focus on what we can measure.  In many organizations, what is most easily quantifiable may dominate how we prioritize our day.  Felix Frankfurter, former Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, said that “gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep.”  Because we struggle to put it in a nice and neat “outcomes box,” we are quick to overlook gratitude as we rush through our day.

Gratitude really is easy to put into practice.  In study after study it’s been found that doing things like visiting someone to say thank you, writing letters of appreciation, sending a note or card, and the infamous daily (or weekly) gratitude journal has a significant positive impact on individuals and their performance.  This isn’t some secret, motivational tactic known by only a few, select organizations.  It’s common knowledge backed by scientific empirical evidence.

Dean Savoca, of Savoca Performance Group says that, “Gratitude is a muscle to be built, just as we build a physical muscle.  It takes practice and exercise.”  He offers some ways to begin to build your gratitude muscle.
  • Before you go to bed, ask “what three things am I grateful for today?” and write them down.
  • Use the philosophy of CANI (Continued and Never-ending Improvement).  Whenever you complete something, ask yourself two questions.  What was great?  What are opportunities for CANI?  This can help to create an “attitude of gratitude” and appreciate what you’ve done well and identify where you can learn and improve in a way that supports your future success.
  • Think of someone who has helped you recently, or has really out-performed in your organization.  Write them a note, visit them, or give them a call and let them know how much you appreciate them.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said that “gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy.”  And what organization couldn’t use a little more joy throughout their hallways, their conference rooms and their internet connections.

It’s simple, it’s doable and it’s very effective.  Aesop, the fabulist, stated it quite well, “gratitude is the sign of noble souls” and shouldn’t all leaders really be noble souls?

Forgive us our debts…

Leadership

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.  ~Paul Boese

Continuing with  Kim Cameron’s research regarding the qualities of a positive climate: compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude.  I’m focusing this week on forgiveness.

Through research, it was discovered that after organizations downsize, 80% of them experience a decline in performance.  The other 20% flourish!  What’s different about that 20%?  Forgiveness. 

The Mayo Clinic says that “forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.  The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong.  You can forgive the person without excusing the act.  Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”

An organizational perspective on forgiveness is not much different.  Kim Cameron says that “forgiveness does not require abandoning anger or resentment, nor does it require pardoning or dismissing the offense.  It involves acknowledging and reframingnegative feelings and attitudes.”

This idea of acknowledging and reframing has raised a question for me; do we give employees the opportunity to forgive?  Or, do put up so many barriers  and impediments that forgiveness isn’t possible?

Like everything in life, there’s a limit.  For example, sometimes employees are so destructive that they need to be removed from an organization by a somewhat harsh and direct means.  So forgiveness is unlikely.  But what about those circumstances when an employee isn’t destructive, yet, they are given a file box on Friday afternoon at 4pm and asked not to return on Monday?  Have we stripped them of the capacity to forgive?  Or what about when a leader leaves an organization with unresolved anger, tension and misunderstandings with employees?  Or one of my favorite, when we tell employees that the hurt they experienced by a leader is simply wrong because that leader didn’t intendto hurt them.  We are asking them to abandon their anger because we don’t think they should be angry, or maybe said more realistically, we don’t think they deserve to be angry.

Kim Cameron suggests a number of leadership activities that were found to enable organizational forgiveness.  The first is:  Acknowledge anger and resentment.  Recognize that forgiveness does not occur quickly.  Allow time for grieving.

Acknowledging, or simply recognizing, someone’s anger is critical.  Yet, I can list numerous times I’ve watched leaders in organizations run from anger by refusing to take phone calls, not responding to fuming emails, or avoiding any conversation regarding the anger.

We can’t change the past, but we can enlarge the future by creating a climate that makes forgiveness possible.  Do our organizational climates make forgiveness possible?

Are you a pain?

Leadership

Leaders don’t inflict pain; they bear pain.  ~Max DePree

Last week I commented about KimCameron’s research regarding the qualities of a positive climate: compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude.  I’m focusing this week and the next two weeks on these three qualities.

Compassion.  Max DePree stated it so well, that “leaders don’t inflict pain; they bear pain.”  And in bearing pain we are expressing compassion.  Several of Cameron’s colleagues at the University of Michigan’s Center for Positive Organizational Scholarship authored a paper entitled, Seeing Organizations Differently:  Three Lenses on Compassion.  They begin this paper by stating, “We cannot fully see organizations until we allow people to speak the unspoken reality of suffering and reveal the human response to suffering that is compassion.”

Having reviewed many perspectives on compassion, this team of researchers defined compassion as being comprised of three interrelated elements: noticinganother’s suffering, feeling empathy for the other’s pain, and respondingto the suffering in some way.

I’ll admit that I’ve witnessed numerous organizations notice, feel and respond when a member of their organization experiences a crisis, especially a sudden and catastrophic crisis.  Reading this research, however, made me wonder how much we show compassion on a daily basis amid the mundane and common drudgery of life.  When a colleague takes a risk and tries something different and it bombs, do we show compassion?  When a staff member has to leave work early, again, because their child is struggling with an illness and their spouse/partner is gone on work travel, do we treat them with compassion?

Another researcher, Hallowell, calls these “human moments” at work: when someone is physically and psychologically present for another person. Hallowell says, “We can help one another reconnect to our workplace and feel valued.” (Hallowell, E. M., 1999, The human moment at work. Harvard Business Review, 77, 58-66) 

This idea of compassion is really kind of amazing.  “A simple gesture like a caring note, giving someone a few hours off from work, a hug, can help transform people’s sense of themselves and change the way they relate to their colleagues and shape the way they view their organization.” (Lilius, J. M., Worline, M. C., Dutton, J. E., Kanov, J. M., Frost, P. J., & Maitlis, S., 2004). What good is compassion at work?Working paper, University of Michigan)

So if it’s really this simple, why don’t we do it more often?  I think it’s because we’ve been programmed to believe that “business” or “work” is sometimes also “pain” and we’re supposed to just suck it up.  And any pain we experience on our own time, that’s personal, and should not be brought into the workplace.  But this paradigm leaves out a critical factor; we’re human and humans suffer.  We’re not capable of compartmentalizing our suffering; it is part of our being, part of the fabric of who we are as individuals.

This week, how will we each bear another’s pain?