Instead of being ego driven, you will begin to be soul drawn. ~Richard Rhor
In Richard Rohr‘s book, Falling Upward, he states that our lives are divided into two halves. In addition to many other descriptors, one of the major differences is that in the first half of life we are ego driven and in the second half we are soul drawn. There is no magic age or number of years that signify the crossing over from one half to the other. In fact, as Rohr states, sadly, some people stay in the first half and never see the soul drawn half of life. Even in my own experience, I can identify individuals who are well into their 80s and are still very much ego driven. I can also think of young adults just turning 30 who I would clearly put in the soul drawn half of life.
Here’s the difference according to Rohr. When we are ego driven “we have strong and final opinions about everything, every event, or most people. When we are soul drawn we allow things and people to delight us, sadden us, and truly influence us. We no longer need to change or adjust other people to be happy ourselves. Our actions are less compulsive. We do what we are called to do, and then try to let go of the consequences.”
This reminded me of several other similar examples. Renowned researcher and author, Jim Collins, most well-known for his book Good to Great shares the difference between a good leader and a great leader. The difference (based on empirical research) is that great leaders combine personal humility and professional will. That sounds a lot like “do what we are called to do” (professional will) and then “try to let go of the consequences” (personal humility).
I was recently coaching a physician and he viewed life as a continuum from advancement to fulfillment. In your early years (especially as a physician) you spend a great deal of effort focused on advancing your career. But as he identified, many times there comes a tipping point when more advancement doesn’t necessarily bring fulfillment. There may come a time when we make a conscious decision to allow advancement to play a less significant role in our life and we begin to focus more on fulfillment. He believes that the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive – sometimes advancement can also bring fulfillment – but that’s not the case the majority of the time. I think this is yet another way to describe moving from being ego driven to being soul drawn. How and when we make the transition is different for everyone.
Rohr describes this journey as crossing a chasm, which may be why some people never make it to the other side. He also says that this process usually involves some type of suffering, sacrifice, or maneuvering through life’s complexities. Using Jim Collin’s example of personal humility, we really can’t wake up one day and proclaim that we are going to be humble, effective immediately. While we can’t dismiss our ego and embrace our soul overnight; we can certainly remain mindful. When we encounter those moments of “complexity” we can find meaning, learn from them, and move one step closer to letting go of our ego and being drawn by our soul.
Rohr says that “One of the best-kept secrets, and yet one hidden in plain sight, is that the way up is the way down. Or, if you prefer, the way down is the way up.” Great leaders really do fall upward.