Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. ~Nelson Mandela
Gregg Levoy, author of Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life, talks about personal histories. He says, “The word history means to learn by inquiry, and in turning toward our own histories with inquiring minds, with curiosities sufficient to the immensity of them, we can help ourselves heal. We can even be shown a calling. In turn, by following the calls we’re shown, we can sometimes heal the past and can go back to it in order to remember ourselves, to pull ourselves together into a more solid form.”
Levoy continues with, “The past shapes us, but by following the deep calling to heal ourselves and throw off old curses, we may be able to reshape our response to that past and perhaps even the way in which we remember it. Sometimes we’re called to move backward so that we can move forward with a greater sense of ourselves, and with greater confidence.”
As humans we have histories and as leaders we have a history that has shaped our leadership. I don’t know about you, but there are parts of my history I’d like to highlight, hit the delete button, and send it off into cyberspace never to be seen or heard from again. But histories don’t work that way. We have to take the best of times along with the worst of times. Our histories cannot be rewritten, but they can be healed.
A leader who immediately comes to mind as an example of someone who allowed their history to be healed is Nelson Mandela. Rosabeth Moss Kanter wrote in an HBR blog earlier this year, “Nelson Mandela famously forgave his oppressors. After the end of apartheid, which had fostered racial separation and kept blacks impoverished, Mandela became South Africa’s first democratically elected President. Some in his political party clamored for revenge against members of the previous regime or perhaps even all privileged white people. Instead, to avoid violence, stabilize and unite the nation, and attract investment in the economy, Mandela appointed a racially integrated cabinet, visited the widow of one of the top apartheid leaders, and created the Truth and Reconciliation Commission that would clear the air and permit moving forward.”
Borrowing again from Gregg Levoy’s writing, “Psychologist Jean Houston says that one way toward holiness is by being punched full of holes by life. She stresses that wounding is an age-old training ground for teachers and healers. In order to discover what is trying to be born in you from your wound, what gift or call might be pressing for delivery, however, you need to stop reciting the small story about it—the particulars, the details—and tell the larger story. ‘Tell the tale anew,’ she says, ‘This time with the wounding as the middleof the story.'”
Nelson Mandela undoubtedly chose to make his wounding the middle of his story. He allowed his history to be healed and he was certainly shown a call. As leaders, we should ask how our histories have shaped our leadership and if part of our history is in need of healing. Through that healing, we might discover a call.