As a leader, you leave a “wake” behind you in every interaction, relationship, project, and season. Your wake encompasses the results of your leadership, and the relationships with those you lead. One without the other is ineffective. ~Dr. Henry Cloud

I’ve been thinking about the idea of leaders leaving behind a “wake” and here’s the image that plays over in my mind. A number of years ago I had a cottage on a small inland lake in Michigan. This is how I define “small.” Two people could just barely water ski at the same time. So, given the size of the lake, the wake left by the skiers meant it was challenging for everyone—the other skier, the swimmers along the shore, those attempting to fish in their rowboats, etc.

Results and Relationships are Bound Together

With that image, Henry Cloud says that “your ‘wake’ encompasses the results of your leadership, and the relationships with those you lead. One without the other is ineffective.” I would add that not only is one ineffective without the other, I don’t think it’s possible to untangle them. I believe that your results and your relationships are bound together, like it or not. Leading is not a solo act, kind of like numerous people trying to enjoy a small inland lake at the same time. You may be a fabulous technical skier (great results), but you will still leave a wake that’s going to impact others (relationships).

What’s Most Recent is What’s Most Pressing on Minds and Hearts

Another aspect of a wake that I believe is true in leadership, is that the most dynamic, powerful, and intense part of a wake is the part that’s right behind you. Whatever you most recently did, said, or achieved, is what’s most pressing on individuals’ minds and hearts. Which is why on the small lake, there was a shared understanding that fishermen would go out on the lake early in the day and skiers would take their turn later in the day because they recognized the impact of their wake on others.

Leaders’ Actions Can Have a Far-Reaching Effect

Even though the most intense part of the wake is right behind you, the ripple effect from the wake can span a lengthy distance. Quoting the Dalai Lama, “Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects.” On the lake, the ripple effect of the skiers was felt all the way to the shoreline. Even the children playing in the sand on the shore could be impacted by the wake of a strong skier; much like the impact of the “wake” of a strong leader.

Leaders Have a More Intense Wake Because of Their Position

When you accept the role of a leader, I believe you also accept the fact that you are going to leave behind a “wake.” Possibly a more intense and powerful “wake” because of your position. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

It’s a Daunting Responsibility

I agree with Henry’s statement: “As a leader, you leave a “wake” behind you in every interaction, relationship, project, and season.” I also believe it’s a daunting statement. A “wake” can propel others forward; it can also do a tremendous amount of damage. It’s a powerful force that must not be taken lightly.

Thinking about your recent interactions, relationships, projects, or season as a leader, what’s being left behind in your “wake”?

The biggest problem we’re dealing with today is the underutilization of individuals. The most talented and ambitious young people, when they feel under-utilized in their jobs, shrink to fit their position. ~Taylor Pearson

The book title by Taylor Pearson got my attention: The End of Jobs: Money, Meaning and Freedom Without the 9-5. I was drawn to the idea of “the end of jobs” because I believe that’s the future we are moving toward, and I enjoy reading the perspective of young authors. When I read the statement, “when they feel under-utilized in their jobs, shrink to fit their position,” I literally felt a surge of emotion.

That emotion was total agreement with the sentiment. My mind was flooded with examples where I’ve seen that exact scenario played out. Here’s what those ambitious young people are hearing, and what they are feeling.

• “We tried that; it didn’t work.” (kind of like a patronizing pat on the head)
• “You haven’t been here very long; that’s not how we do things.” (if it ain’t broke, why fix it)
• “You’re jumping ahead; we won’t be ready for that for several years.” (we value certainty over innovation)
• “That may be motivating to you (aka: your generation), but we just need people to work hard.” (commitment to “work ethic” trumps all other motivators)

Most of us would agree that we live in a world where change is constant. We have to be agile and pivot and reinvent, etc. Most organizations have the resources right in front of them to do just that – new hires, young people, employees who just came from a different industry, etc. They are ambitious, have a high level of commitment (initially), and then we under-utilize them. We aren’t willing to at least test their ideas, put them in positions that might be a little risky for the organization, or give them time to just work on whatever.

Even though millennials now dominate the workforce, they are still aging-in to leadership roles. Or, we’re making them wait to age-in to those roles. We’re making them wait to try their ideas, to give them the space to make mistakes, to be innovative, to help drive change, the very things every organization needs to be resilient.

So what do those young employees do, they shrink to fit their position. Here are just a few of the statements I’ve heard:

• I’ll just keep my head down, do my job, and nothing more.
• I’ll do my job, leave on time, so I can search for a new opportunity.

Think of it this way. You’ve been struggling to pay your bills, just getting by financially, you’re hanging in there, but nothing more. Then, you find a shoebox of cash hidden in the back of your closet. A resource you had all along, but weren’t utilizing. The anxiety you’ve felt for the past several years could have been mitigated a long time ago had you utilized all your resources. Kind of like causing people to shrink to fit their position.

Here’s your assignment. Make a list of at least three examples of how you are under-utilizing your people and then identify ways to change that, now. Stop encouraging them to shrink to fit their position.

Self-deception: the inability to see that one has a problem. It blinds us to the true causes of problems, and once we’re blind, all the “solutions” we can think of will actually make matters worse. ~The Arbinger Institute (author of Leadership and Self-Deception)

If you read the quote and thought to yourself, “I’m good, I really don’t think I’m struggling with self-deception,” then you may have actually proven the quote to be true. After all, it says the inability to see that one has a problem.

The Arbinger Institute tell us that the crux of “the problem” is simply that we see other people as objects, and not always realizing it in the moment. Here’s a very quick example.

You are seated in an aisle seat on an airplane on a business trip. You put your briefcase in the middle seat next to you to discourage anyone from sitting there so you can work more comfortably on the flight. A mother and child arrive later and are searching for two seats together. They spot the two seats next to you, but you encourage them to continue looking farther back in the plane.

You just committed self-betrayal, which leads to self-deception. Here’s how that scenario really played out.

And there it is. In a matter of minutes, or even seconds, we can quickly move from having an outward mindset (leadership) to having an inward mindset (self-deception).

There are a number of things we could try, but they DON’T WORK. Things like trying to change others, doing our best to cope with others, implementing new skills or techniques, or even changing our behavior. It doesn’t work because even with those efforts, we still have an inward mindset.

What DOES WORK? Simple. Cease resisting others. This means to honor others as people – persons with needs, hopes, and worries as real and legitimate as our own (have an outward mindset).

I believe this is one of the greatest challenges of leadership. As leaders, we feel the weight of the organization (or our department) on our shoulders. We allow ourselves to feel solely responsible. We begin to inflate our own virtue (even with the best of intentions), justify our actions, which leads to a distorted view of reality.

The Arbinger Institute provides 5 questions to avoid self-deception (an inward mindset) and really lead (an outward mindset).

• Are my direct reports growing in their abilities?
• Have I worked with them to set a collective result for the team?
• Do they understand how they contribute to that collective result?
• Do they understand how their work impacts the ability of others to make their contributions to the collective result?
• What can I do to help them in these areas?

According to The Arbinger Institute, leadership is about supporting and enabling your people to help them achieve a collective result. That can only be accomplished with an outward mindset.

It’s not about you (you gave that up when you became a leader); it’s about them. That’s leadership.

When Goliath came against the Israelites, the soldiers all thought, “He’s so big we can never kill him.”  But David looked at the same giant and thought, “He’s so big, I can’t miss him.”  ~Dale Turner

It’s all in the eyes of the beholder. Our emotions or how we feel about a given situation is significantly affected by the meaning we give to what we experience. And the meaning we give to any experience is shaped by the lens or filter through which we perceive it. David was clearly viewing Goliath through a different lens or filter than the other soldiers. While they felt fear, David felt possibility.

That means if we can change the way we look at something, by reframing it, we change the meaning and in turn, change the emotion attached to it. Reframing isn’t always easy, but I do believe it comes more easily with practice. It might be helpful to first remind ourselves that our perspective on a given situation is exactly that, ours. There are always many ways to view the very same situation.

Here are a few questions you could ask yourself to reframe your perspective on a given situation.

• If you were feeling resourceful and generous, how might you look at this situation?
• What’s missing here, that once it is included will make this situation flow?
• What if the opposite were true; what would that look like?
• Put yourself in the shoes of the other person, what do you think is their perspective?
• What would it look like if you were empathetic instead of irritated, frustrated, or angry?
• Imagine yourself in a week, a month, a year in the future – how much do you care about winning this one argument?

An example frequently used to illustrate the art of reframing is Thomas Edison. He made somewhere around 10,000 attempts to invent the incandescent light bulb. Others would scold him for failing over and over and would ask when he was going to stop trying. It is said that he replied with, “I didn’t fail, I just figured out another way not to invent the light bulb.” He reframed failure as a process of gaining more knowledge that would get him one step closer to realizing his vision. Reframing made Edison feel empowered so he continued.

Another of history’s great minds, Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.”

We all have moments where we become stuck or find ourselves at an impasse of some sort. We can continue to hold on to our same view or perspective with stubborn determination, or we can explore other perspectives and reframe our thinking to get unstuck.

As leaders, we must be willing to continually see the world anew, to replace fear with possibility.